I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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