I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
