I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
