What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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