I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
