Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
