my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
