He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
