She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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