1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
