i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
