I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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