He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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