you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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