I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
