he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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