I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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