And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
