I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
