butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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