I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
