Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
