just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
