first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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