i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
