After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
