Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
