Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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