"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
