Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
