Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
