I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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