I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A bitchslap is in order.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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