Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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