Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
