why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
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