help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
