why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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