I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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