All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's always time for handjobs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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