In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
