I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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