apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
