Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
