my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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