my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
