You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
