i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What a dumb baby whore.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
