I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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