med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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